I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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