Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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