remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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