When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
