Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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