In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
