So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
