from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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