I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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