i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
