i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
