OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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