I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
