the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
