I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
