Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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