i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
