we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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