I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
