It's Friday. Sex?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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