There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just found puke in my bra..
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
