it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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