New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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