Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So vagazzling was a success
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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