I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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