What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
