he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
