Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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