Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
