i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
