If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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