Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
