Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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