I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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