i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
