I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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