remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
