He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
