It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
