I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
