Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
