i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
