my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
