Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you didnt know i had herpes?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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