Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
