Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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