I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
