you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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