if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
