i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
