the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
