We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
