So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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