I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
