Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
